I was taken captive as I entered the world and for 46 years I was kept as a prisoner of war.
I was denied food and water. Sleep deprivation tactics were employed against me. As a result, my physical condition deteriorated, but I was denied appropriate medical care. Beatings came with great irregularity so that I was always on guard, always anticipating the next sudden attack. All contact with the outside world was strictly monitored. Foreign influences were disregarded as propaganda and not to be trusted. I was given permission to wander the outer, dangerous parts of the city at night time for a short season. It was during one of those “outings” that, under the cloak of darkness, I was brutally raped.
An arranged marriage to an ally of my captors was eventually allowed. It gave me a sense that my captors were permitting me a taste of freedom and normalcy, but the “marriage” was controlled and was just a tool to prohibit me from attempting an escape. I had attempted an escape once by running away and marrying a foreigner. My captors found me though and, under duress, convinced me to return with them.
They sent out false reports of my activities, my stability, and my well being in order to thwart any attempts of rescue from outsiders. I was marginalized in order to convince others that I deserved the sentence I had received.
As fate would have it, the marital ally failed in his mission. He became frustrated and left the prison unguarded. Almost immediately following this action, my original captor, the head of the entire operation, died. I could smell freedom approaching.
I couldn’t leave my dying father inside those walls though, so I lingered. With his passing I thought my freedom was guaranteed. However, the son of the original captor has, in the name of the cause, pursued me and tormented me. His marital ally apparently quickly recognized the damage he had done by walking away with the gate unlocked because he soon regrouped and joined once again with the son. Together they have dogged me, trying to recapture me.
I am doing my best to acclimate to the outside world. It is a strange place to be, and I don’t really know the mores. A lot of good people have helped me though and are assisting me as I adjust to society. I live in constant fear of being recaptured; the local government also appears to be an ally of my captors because they have refused to intervene on behalf of POWs.
I am a former prisoner of the war for souls.
I pray that my captors are caught and prosecuted for their war crimes.
Bethany said:
Our Kinsman Redeemer will prosecute them for there war crimes and they will receive Justice in due time. In the mean time we will continue to fight as soldiers and together we will avoid recapture!
I LOVE this analogy! Being an Army brat, a former sailor, and having such a strong link to War this post really spoke to me! I had so many images running though my mind and the blood in my veins was pumping so wildly that I almost let out a warrior cry of “FREEEEEEEEDOMMMMM!!!”
anewfreelife said:
Amen! He will right the wrongs! I see us as a fledgling rebellion, scattered and scared but beginning to come out of the rocks and crevices where we’ve been hiding. And, we are garnering strength as our numbers increase. : D
Grab the blue chalk! ; )
Lorraine said:
OMG…I have been to hell and back and to hell again. My mind when he is around me is not my own.. People say, why dont your just leave….? They have to me inside my head and standing in my shoes when I say, “come in and love me”. He comes in and tries to kill me. He just got out of prision for just that……and all the court orders. retraining orders. no contacts…..just pices of paper. I am a prision also…of my own mind…..
Bethany said:
Lorraine- You are among friends here! We all know exactly what you are living in. You are safe here and welcome. I am sorry that your abuser has made you a prisoner of your own mind! But you are not crazy or worthless you are just a prisoner who needs help escaping (even if it isn’t physical we will all understand. We will never encourage you to leave unless you are ready to.) You will be in my prayers!
anewfreelife said:
Welcome! You are indeed among friends here. We do understand. I had people say the very same words to me when my husband was arrested in 2007. It just isn’t that easy, and we all know that here. Most of us are trying to figure out how to find freedom. It’s a journey. Please walk it with us and allow us to walk it with you. Hugs! You are in my prayers as well!
Still scared said:
You write so beautifully!
anewfreelife said:
Thank you! What a sweet thing to say!
Barbara Roberts said:
Gobsmacked again (me)
Brilliant again ( ANFL)
Cheering again (Bethany, SS, and the rest of you POWs who are gathering in the crevices and cover of the battlefield)
Holding up the banner for justice (our Lord and Saviour)
anewfreelife said:
Thank you and amen! : )
A Non A Mouse said:
Wow!! Is all I can really say. If this story told without using arranged marriage, maybe more like “sold into the bondage of slavery”. I’m sure everyone out there would want to help the prisoner of war.
anewfreelife said:
So true–verbage does make an important difference in whether or not someone is willing to care about the cause, and it’s victims. : /
Liz said:
Beautiful expression of your story. I am so glad you are venturing into freedom.
anewfreelife said:
Thank you! I had a good day today. A day wherein I actually felt free. It was glorious!
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Barbara Backer-Gray said:
Man oh man, you will just write yourself out of prison, won’t you. That’s quite a post. Hang in there. It will get better.
Barbara Roberts said:
“write yourself out of prison”
I LOVE that!
and those who know me well know what’s coming next:
– I’m putting it in my sound bites file!
anewfreelife said:
That is awesome! I LOVE it, too! I will “write myself out of prison.” I will!
Barbara Backer-Gray said:
Happy to oblige 🙂
Rita Bellinger said:
Reblogged this on The Wordy Photographer.