My job search was going nowhere. I’d been out of the work force for nine years and had been self-employed for the last seven years before that. I had not been anyone’s employee for nearly 16 years. That didn’t make me very employable.
I tried my best in interviews but knew I bombed every one. I tried to seem confident, but sixteen years of severe abuse made me feel unworthy of even the lowest job anyone might offer. I used every connection I could think of, and I hounded them.
As I was going through newspapers to use for starting fires, I noticed an ad for a local eye doctor’s office. He’s my doctor! I had an in! The newspaper gave little information but directed readers to Craigslist. The paper was a week old, but I checked it anyway.
The listing was gone. However, only an hour before I booted up, my obstetrician’s office posted a job opening! I quickly did up a personal letter to him and one to the office manager. I ran them to the office. I mean I literally ran. I drove as quickly as possible and sprinted through the parking lot, barely making it in before the last employee locked the door for the night.
It wasn’t long and the office manager called me for an interview. We clicked! We seemed to have so much in common. We knew some of the same people. We laughed at the same things. I was on top of my game and answered her questions smartly. She tried to trick me, and I diverted it. I sold myself. She let me know that she wanted me and as far as she was concerned the job was mine.
I was elated. We just had to wait for the job listing to close, as a formality, and then she’d call me in.
I waited. And, waited. And, waited.
I finally could take it no longer and called her. They had closed the job without hiring. They planned to do some revamping so were not going to fill the position just yet. She promised to call me when it opened back up.
Months went by with no phone call. I decided to just start cleaning houses. I had to have an income, and I wasn’t getting anywhere in a conventional job search.
It was spring before she called. She wanted to know if I’d found my dream job in the interim or if I was still interested. I told her that her job was my dream job, so I was cleaning just to bring in money while I waited for the opportunity to work at her office. She invited me back for another interview and shared with me that she had been referring to me as “her L” and that upper management had told her to just call me back since she wanted me so bad.
I was elated to have a job. I was devastated when I had to leave my crying babies at daycare though. I hated it. But, I had a job; I was working. I’d soon have a paycheck.
The hours were much longer than she’d represented, and the training was practically nonexistent. I was told to shadow but not interfere. They were horribly short staffed, so no one was available to train me. The young girls were snappy and seemed to stare at me and purposefully leave me out. I figured I was the dumb, slow, old woman, and they resented the dead weight. I thought I just needed time to learn the job and get into the swing of things.
My loving new boss was placing more demands on everyone. No one was allowed to ask each other anything. All questions had to be directed to her. Yet, she would glare and close her door if we came to ask her a question. She refused to return a friendly smile as she passed us in the hall. I became convinced she didn’t like me and confided that to the young girl I was working with. She flippantly answered, “She doesn’t like anybody.”
I got in trouble for not knowing how to perform certain duties. I had certainly been there long enough. I should have known that by then. Even though I’d not been trained and had been told to stay out of the way and just wrap specimens and clean rooms. Somehow I was supposed to have learned the software system and the specific protocols for orders tracking. I was supposed to know how to assist with procedures I’d never watched. I was expected to have learned everything through osmosis, by just being there.
I was told to be in her office at 8 a.m. every morning for instructions for the day, but she wouldn’t be there. When she did come in she would shut her door. I tried to keep busy while I waited for her door to open, for her to give me instructions for the day, but I was always afraid I wasn’t finding the right kind of busy.
The hours were so long that everyone was required to work a half day to prevent them from going into overtime. During my interview she’d told me it was because, as a doctor’s office, they want their employees to be able to schedule doctor’s appointments and such. They were just as concerned about their employees’ health as they were their patients’. However, my half day was fluctuating so that I couldn’t even plan my childcare, let alone schedule appointments. One week my half day was scheduled for Tuesday, and on Monday she firmly told me that I would have to work a full day the next day and just take my half day later in the week. I asserted that I couldn’t, my children had appointments scheduled for Tuesday afternoon and I couldn’t cancel with such short notice. She snapped at me, “What?! Are you trying to tell me all of your kids have appointments on the same day? You’re going to have to cancel them! I need you here!” So much for concern about everyone’s health.
I began having several little seizures throughout the day but tried to pretend that everything was fine. She caught me a couple of times. She called me into her office after one episode and told me that she was worried about me. She wanted to fix me a meal. She wanted to be there for me and help me through everything. She was so full of compassion and friendliness again.
Then, the best employee, the only bilingual employee, was suddenly fired. That caused everyone to fear for their job. Several people put in their two week notice. I was picking up on a vibe that this woman was making everyone’s lives a living hell. She was certainly making mine difficult.
I wasn’t happy with having my children in daycare, and I didn’t want to put my older two in public school. They have always been home schooled; our local schools are pretty bad; and the boys were too emotionally wounded to face that big of a change at that point. They needed some stability and familiarity.
So, I prayed.
And, the Lord gave me cleaning jobs again. I scheduled them for my half day and Saturdays. I made my escape plan. I would leave this abusive woman and this demanding job and work for myself again. I’d rather clean other people’s toilets on my schedule and have them appreciate it than submit myself to her degradation.
She wasn’t a man and she wasn’t a romantic interest, but an Operational Risk Assessment was necessary for her, too. Though not a critical level, I determined she presented a level III threat and decided to withdraw.
I truly love what I do now, and I love my clients. I think about these lovely ladies I clean for and how I hope I make their lives easier by performing these duties. I listen to music and sing while I scrub and wipe, and they smile when they catch me singing and dancing while cleaning their tubs.
It all seems pretty safe. No risk here.
Good for you!! I am glad you caught that one. I would have been angry and probably quit but I don’t know if I would have made the abuse connection.
Thanks! Well–LOL–like I’ve said before, I connect everything to abuse. I eat thoughts of abuse morning, noon, and night. It’s all I’ve known my entire life, so I am intently dissecting everything in an attempt to figure it, them, out. Not that I want to understand abusers, not really, I just want to know how to spot one from twenty yards and start running!
well as much as I wish you didn’t have to eat thoughts of abuse morning, noon, and night I truly value your wisdom
You are so sweet!
oh wow I’m so glad you can work for yourself. What a blessing! Hallelujah you got out of there!
Thank you! It is such a blessing! It allows me the opportunity to continue home schooling; I can take a day off without worrying when my health issues are bad; my clients are all becoming my friends, so I’m learning to enjoy and trust other people. One of my client’s husband took my boys on a special outing. They had a blast, and it was just the kind of godly mentoring the boys desperately need. I’ve also taken the kids to work with me. This has been the most wonderful work opportunity in the world for us right now. Staying at a job with a verbally and emotionally boss would have been devastating at this point in my life. I started the job there when I was nine months post separation from my husband, and my dad died a week after I started there. I was just too fragile to deal with her…..not that anyone should ever have to put up with someone else’s cruelty and confusing behavior, fragile or not. Hallelujah! Amen!
I believe we met when you were working there and praying for cleaning jobs to come along so you could quit. I am SOOOOO thrilled that those prayers were answered and you’ve come so far in this time.
Yes! That is when we met! B had posted on the group about me and asked for prayers and meals, and you, being your sweet self, came to the rescue of a tired old woman you didn’t even know!
Yes, as the Lord has revealed to me, the main criteria for being a boss is a personality that describes the abuser and under that demise of “the boss” the wield their powers and control and demand blind subordination.
The average boss is a level one abuser who holds nothin in restraint and if they happen to work for major corporation they are so called “trained” in non abusive leadership that is cleaverly disquieted as “patronizing” and when you complain to HR thinking that you will find that your voice counts they cleaverly “cover up” and enable this abuser to remain in their graces with a good light while you are “marked” as the troublemaker.
After carefully following the steps laid out for me by my Lord to fight this battle, I learned, to my dismay that my voice was not only unheard but discredited and despised.
Apparently, in order to be successful in the working world you need to “learn” to be abusive too, as they refer to it, “thick skinned”. For those of us who are of a sensitive nature and spiritually minded…good luck out there because they are waiting to chew you up and spit you out.
the greater battle for me has been dealing with the abuser in the work place since I have left my post as a full time, stay at home, Are you driving?homeschool mom, and let me tell you, it “ain’t” no fun.
No, it ain’t no fun at all! My heart is aching for you! And, my mind is reeling! I’m trying to think of some other way that you can earn money. You mentioned driving. Yeah, sometimes we home school moms feel like we live in the rig, running kids from one activity or class to the next. So, hmmmm…..florist delivery? My grandson’s other grandma does that. Newspaper delivery? In rural areas where I live that is something that seems to be a family friendly job, as you can take the kids with you. Your vehicle needs to be dependable and should get good gas mileage in order for it to be profitable though. What about tutoring? I’m going to be praying that the Lord will reveal an idea to you and give you the opportunity to take your sensitive heart out of the corporate world before they crush it. I promise you that! I will pray until you tell me He’s opened a door!
I’m always shocked by this kind of boss behavior. My dad was a business man and never treated his employees like that. When I was 15 I put my name in at Senior Services, offering cleaning services, because I didn’t want to work fast food. So, my entry into the work world was self-employment. I did wait tables at 18, but my initial boss was awesome. He would make sure that we had ample training and then keep us after everyone else left and test us. If we passed his little tests he would give us cash! He was always smiling and made work fun. My first few years at the hospital were like that, too. It was family owned, and the owner would come in to visit us in the evenings. He said that he didn’t want us to feel left out, like day crew had all the input. They paid us very well and gave us great insurance and a place to work out. They cared about their patients. They cared about their employees. And, because we loved working there we’d often work extra off the clock. They gave us their best, and we gave our best in return. They put up suggestion boxes all over the place and if your suggestion was implemented into policy you’d win a really nice prize. The owner’s attitude filtered down to the department heads, too. Everyone in my department was complaining about something one time. I got sick of listening to it, so I took their complaints to the department head. We had a great discussion and she so appreciated my input and my willingness to come to her that she started meeting with me before the department meetings so she could take info from the trenches in to the big wigs! Of course, that all changed when a big corporation bought them out! That was unfortunate for everyone–employees and patients.
I love this, Anew. Really. I admire how you have been able to recognize certain personalities and then make “escape plans”. I am working on this, too, and really hope to be able to recognize abusers from far away. Hugs.
The Lord is definitely doing a lot of work on me! : ) He’s faithful to open my eyes when I ask Him to. You, Barb, and Pastor C have all been HUGE in helping me spot things, knowing what is not acceptable behavior, and recognizing that Jesus wants better for me.
My first full time job after years and years; the boss was an abuser too! It was so unbelievably scary that there could be more areas in my life I had to be aware of, do the risk assessments in. Now I have the most perfectly wonderful job that God brought along. Pays well, I get to help people and be home enough for my kids to keep homeschooling.
Wow, how ironic. I wonder if that is just a purely satanic strategy to maintain fear in us and to keep us in bondage, no matter who to. We wriggle free of an abusive marriage, so the enemy brings along another of his workers to torment us.
Praise God! I am so glad that you have a wonderful job and still get to homeschool! What a blessing! And, what an amazing testimony of hope for those just now coming out! : ) Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world!