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WARNING:  POTENTIAL TRIGGERS

Facebook sometimes makes it difficult to like the people you enjoy spending time with. For some reason, we feel it’s okay to hide behind our magic screens and rant boldly about things of which we truly know nothing. We say things to people and about people that we would never dream of saying to their faces.

I desperately want this blog to be a place of healing, no matter what our religion or political bent, so please don’t let what I’m about to share cause party lines to become the focus or the point.  Because they aren’t.

A mother from my home-schooling circle of association posted part of a quote she credited to Michael Farris (I don’t know for a fact that he did even say this), basically blaming single moms for what they refer to as the debacle this past Tuesday.  She said this is “dead on,” and she stated that she was not open for debate on the matter as she was sure someone would want to.  She let everyone know she just wasn’t in the mood for it.

She quotes Mr. Farris as supposedly saying, “There are two important lessons embedded in last night’s debacle. We are losing the votes of young people. We are losing the votes of women. Why?  The simple answer is that both groups have a disproportionate number who believe that the purpose of government is to “supply my needs.” Why do they believe this?………….Women are vulnerable to the siren call of “government services” because of the sexual promiscuity of men. Men use, abuse, and abandon women. Divorced women and single moms abound because of the sin of men. We have more unmarried adults than married adults for the first time in American history. This fact has enormous political consequences.”

Do you hear her tone?  I’m going to state something that accuses you of something you may know you didn’t do and I’m going to blame you for problems other people caused, but don’t argue with me because my temper may flare.  Do you see how Mr. Farris, if he indeed did say this, first accuses single moms and divorced women of having a propensity to hop on the government dole and then sort of gives these women victim status because of men’s sexual promiscuity?  I want to scream, “Make up your mind!  Are they to blame, or are they victims?!”  Really?  I’m not on welfare.  Neither is the single mother of my grandson.  However, I know a lot of married couples on a variety of government programs!

I find this highly offensive because I’ve lived with that kind of conjecture my whole life.  I’ve lived with that kind of blaming my entire life.

My mother would stand, jowls waving, eyes flashing, and almost drooling, screaming at me, “Everything bad in my life is YOUR fault!  I wouldn’t have married your dad if I hadn’t got pregnant with YOU!  He wouldn’t have left us if YOU weren’t such a little bitch!  I wouldn’t have married C&%@$ if I hadn’t had YOU to take care of!  I wouldn’t of left him if it hadn’t been for YOU!  And, I wouldn’t be working for H&G now if I didn’t have to take care of YOU!”  As a child and a teenager, her words crushed my spirit.  I was 45 years old before I could bring myself to tell my dad what she’d said.  My precious dad was horrified and, with love in his voice, assured me, “Hon, that’s just not true.  The only reason I stayed as long as I did was for you.”

The extent of my husband’s physical abuse was severe.  He choked me hundreds of times.  He tried to snap my neck dozens of times.  Possessing two black belts, he threw me martial arts style in the driveway and dragged me by the hair in the gravel, threatening to throw me into the highway.  I was 6 months pregnant, and my children were running behind us screaming for their mama.  He thrust a knife at me alone and on two occasions when I was holding our youngest son.  He tried to run me over with a pickup.  He tried to run me and the kids off an icy cliff on two separate occasions.  He broke a BB gun over a child’s back.  He broke a guitar over a child’s back.  He crammed food into a child’s mouth until the child turned blue.  He choked my 2nd son repeatedly, often holding him in the air by the throat.  He held that boy up by the ankle when he was three and beat him up and down his body with a belt before locking him in a dark, unheated room.  He physically held me at bay, all the while threatening me, while my son cried until he passed out.  Years later he would “ground” the same boy to his bed for days without food and only one daily bathroom privilege.  He bit a child.  He punched a child in the face.  He held me captive in our home for over an hour, threatening me and spewing hateful words at me as I was curled in a ball by the door that he barricaded.

Do you know what his reason for all of this was?  We didn’t treat him with the respect he deserved.  I was a contentious woman.  I was not submissive, and I led the children to be unsubmissive as well.  He frequently said it was because of the way I talked to him, but he also told me many, many times it was because I didn’t cry when he abused me.  He promised if I’d break and cry during abuse, he’d stop.

The counselor I saw last year told me there would come a time when I’d get angry.  I couldn’t imagine that.  Well, I’m angry now.  In fact, I’m seething.

I’m not the reason that people living in ivory towers, locked away from reality, living  out their little fantasy lives, not being active or responsible in their government don’t have the government they want.  I’m not the reason my mom got knocked up at a New Year’s Eve Party.  I’m not the reason that sociopath enjoys hurting women and children.

I am standing up today to say boldly, “It is NOT all my fault!  Take responsibility for your own actions and quit using me as your scapegoat.”

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