A friend of mine has been asking her friends to help me with childcare the two to three days a week I work. One of her friends, another home schooling mom, inquired about my brother’s name. She saw my maiden name on Facebook and suspected that my brother is her old boyfriend. Turns out, he is.
This mom said that she has a heart for me and would love to help, but she is still scared to death of my brother all these years later. He stalked her after they broke up, and he still effects her viscerally. She was at an appointment recently and was suddenly gripped with fear, sensing him nearby. He was no where to be seen though. However, later, when she came out of the treatment room, my brother was standing in the lobby. Her instincts had been correct.
This woman’s mother prayed fervently throughout the entire relationship, begging God to get my brother out of her daughter’s life. She could see that he was dangerous.
Another ex-girlfriend of his came from an extremely religious family. Her uncle pastored their church. Her parents, too, prayed throughout the entire relationship, begging God to get this monster out of their daughter’s life.
He was married once….to a former pastor’s daughter. In fact, her father performed the ceremony. However, eight months later her father assisted her in getting away from my brother and helped her get a divorce and supervised visitation for their yet unborn child.
My brother is not a Christian. In fact, he felt compelled to interrupt our home school days to continually present argumentation that my faith is wrong to me in front of my children and to my children.
So, why does he always go for Christian women?
I was actively involved in church when I met my husband. He told me that he was a new Christian and didn’t know how to get close to God, but he really, really wanted to. He had a serious problem though in that he could barely read, so the Bible didn’t make sense to him. He claimed to be committed and said he was trying to read it every single day. I noticed it laying out when I went to his house. For some reason, I failed to notice the four pictures of satan on his walls. He wanted my help, since I seemed like such a solid Christian. Naturally, I was thrilled to help a lost sinner find the Lord.
Years later, after the abuse and adultery and alcohol and porn addictions were admitted facts I confronted him on that early lie. I said, “You lied to me. You told me you had just gotten saved and needed my help because you wanted to grow close to God……But, you lied about everything.” He looked at me like he couldn’t believe I was surprised by that and replied, “Of course, I did. I had to lie, otherwise you never would have married me.”
Why did my husband go after me, a Christian woman, when he was so thoroughly committed to his demons?
My 16 year old son sees things in black and white. He views it as part of the large spiritual battle between the forces of Good and evil. He thinks it is evil trying to yoke itself to those who belong to the Good and take victims, prisoners of war.
I think it’s because we were easy targets. Easy prey. Praying targets.
We believed that we are to love the unlovable. We believed that Jesus can redeem the worst of sinners. We believed it is our duty to seek the lost and teach the gospel. We believed in submission. And, that last one was the nail in our coffin.
The thing is, these men are unlovable. They refuse to be redeemed. They refuse instruction from anyone and everyone. But, we submitted to them anyway, believing that we were honoring our God by honoring our men. Our naivete was our downfall. I don’t say that to accept or place blame. I’m merely exploring how to not get caught in this trap again. And, I’m noticing a pattern.
There are plenty of nonChristian victims out there, too. And, their stories need to be dissected as well. I’m just saying that in my case and for the women my brother was involved with, hard core evil men went shopping for victims at church.
We need to analyze how we got here to make certain we never come here again. We need to be able to recognize the warning signs.
The Bible tells us to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. For some reason, I’ve placed high value on the innocent part and failed to lay claim to the wisdom. Wisdom would have told me that a man with pictures of satan all over his house has not recently been filled with the Holy Spirit. Wisdom would have told me that a man who wants to learn about God but can barely read would be finding himself a church. Wisdom would have told me that a man who left three wives was a habitual covenant breaker.
Wisdom would have told me to be afraid. Very afraid. It would have yelled at me to run. Run fast and never look back. Instead, I dropped to my knees and prayed for God to make him into the man I had originally believed him to be. And, with head bowed and eyes closed I failed to notice I was in his cross-hairs. I had become the perfect target.