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didn't brush my teethI have a million excuses.  The kids have all been sick.  This week is the anniversary of my dad’s death.  My work schedule is a disaster.  I had planned on working out.  I am having a hard time juggling work, home school, the house, social obligations, etc, etc.  Whatever.  The fact is, though I got up at 6:30, I didn’t shower until noon.  

I was getting a lot of school done that morning with the kids.  And, I got a ton of catch up stuff done, too.  The checkbook was balanced.  The dishes were done.  Dinner was simmering on the back of the stove.  Laundry was going.  Heck, my bed was even made.  

So, I was fresh out of the shower when my decrepit old dog started going nuts around 1 o’clock.   I looked out the window.  A FedEx van.  Ooh, excitement on the hill!  The three younger kids sprang from their seats to plaster their faces against the front window, as though they’d never seen a stranger.  The dog’s dry hair bristled, standing straight on end.  Her entire body jolted forward when she barked, and then she would stand still and growl a deep, menacing sound.  

The poor driver jumped from his truck and then froze.  I went running outside like a mad woman, intent upon saving our intruder from the crazy old dog who appeared  intent on biting him.   He smiled a warm smile and seemed to be relieved that we weren’t just going to watch from the window as she ate him alive.

My dog smells really, really bad.  Like something dead pooped itself.  I love her to pieces, but she looks like the crypt keeper’s dog.   The kids joke that I’m running a nursing home for animals because the dog is old.  The cat is old.  The chickens are so old they don’t even lay eggs anymore.  The turtle is old.  We got them all when the first batch of kids were younger and now we just tend them and love on them, repaying them for their loyal years of service.  Even though they are blind, deaf, and a little crazy.  

So, the FedEx driver scratched her.  Ooohh, nasty!  I won’t even do that, and she’s my dog!  I explained to him that she’d been hit by a FedEx truck, so it was just the truck that set her off like that.  He soothingly reassured her that it wasn’t him and he wouldn’t do that as he rubbed her dirty, sap crusted hair.  I was simultaneously grossed out and impressed!

He then began to tell me animal stories from a time when he worked for his father. In a few short minutes I found out what kind of business his dad owned and his dad’s nickname and that this guy has a sense of humor and is nice.  His hands were all over my dog, so, of course, I couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t have a wedding ring on.  

Hmmmmm………I hadn’t noticed until that moment that he was actually pretty cute, too.  So, I shared a story of my own and chatted him up a bit.  After a few more minutes we said our goodbyes, and I turned to walk back in the house, feeling a little light and maybe even a bit younger.  

My obnoxious 6 year old jumped up and down, trying to take the box out of my hands.  He couldn’t stand not knowing what was in it.  He hollered at the FedEx guy, intermittently telling him goodbye and asking him what he’d brought.  

The kind FedEx dude smiled a big smile and warmly waved goodbye to my son and me as he pulled down the driveway, away from Deliverance.  

I stepped back in the house and set the box on the dining table.  As I leaned over, something flopped forward a bit on top of my head.  I raised my right hand slowly to my hair.  It was my towel!  My green, high absorbency hair towel.  Oh no! I’d gone outside like that!  I ran to the bathroom to survey the damage.  

It got worse!  

I seldom take my make up off before bed or my shower.  Instead, I do it right before I reapply the new coating.  Bad habit, I know.  Well, I was still wearing yesterday’s mascara.  Except it hung in streaks down both cheeks.  

I couldn’t help but laugh!  

This unsuspecting delivery man drove up the driveway to the middle of nowhere to be greeted by a scraggly, mean old dog and a bunch of home schooled kids gawking at him.  He then stood and waited for the matron of the hillside shack to come out and chat him up with make up running down her face, thinking she was totally rockin’ the Turbie Towel!  

I wonder if he laughed as hard as I did once he was safely out of view.  Or, if his smile merely masked his fear!  LOL

 

 

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