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I have a million excuses. The kids have all been sick. This week is the anniversary of my dad’s death. My work schedule is a disaster. I had planned on working out. I am having a hard time juggling work, home school, the house, social obligations, etc, etc. Whatever. The fact is, though I got up at 6:30, I didn’t shower until noon.
I was getting a lot of school done that morning with the kids. And, I got a ton of catch up stuff done, too. The checkbook was balanced. The dishes were done. Dinner was simmering on the back of the stove. Laundry was going. Heck, my bed was even made.
So, I was fresh out of the shower when my decrepit old dog started going nuts around 1 o’clock. I looked out the window. A FedEx van. Ooh, excitement on the hill! The three younger kids sprang from their seats to plaster their faces against the front window, as though they’d never seen a stranger. The dog’s dry hair bristled, standing straight on end. Her entire body jolted forward when she barked, and then she would stand still and growl a deep, menacing sound.
The poor driver jumped from his truck and then froze. I went running outside like a mad woman, intent upon saving our intruder from the crazy old dog who appeared intent on biting him. He smiled a warm smile and seemed to be relieved that we weren’t just going to watch from the window as she ate him alive.
My dog smells really, really bad. Like something dead pooped itself. I love her to pieces, but she looks like the crypt keeper’s dog. The kids joke that I’m running a nursing home for animals because the dog is old. The cat is old. The chickens are so old they don’t even lay eggs anymore. The turtle is old. We got them all when the first batch of kids were younger and now we just tend them and love on them, repaying them for their loyal years of service. Even though they are blind, deaf, and a little crazy.
So, the FedEx driver scratched her. Ooohh, nasty! I won’t even do that, and she’s my dog! I explained to him that she’d been hit by a FedEx truck, so it was just the truck that set her off like that. He soothingly reassured her that it wasn’t him and he wouldn’t do that as he rubbed her dirty, sap crusted hair. I was simultaneously grossed out and impressed!
He then began to tell me animal stories from a time when he worked for his father. In a few short minutes I found out what kind of business his dad owned and his dad’s nickname and that this guy has a sense of humor and is nice. His hands were all over my dog, so, of course, I couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t have a wedding ring on.
Hmmmmm………I hadn’t noticed until that moment that he was actually pretty cute, too. So, I shared a story of my own and chatted him up a bit. After a few more minutes we said our goodbyes, and I turned to walk back in the house, feeling a little light and maybe even a bit younger.
My obnoxious 6 year old jumped up and down, trying to take the box out of my hands. He couldn’t stand not knowing what was in it. He hollered at the FedEx guy, intermittently telling him goodbye and asking him what he’d brought.
The kind FedEx dude smiled a big smile and warmly waved goodbye to my son and me as he pulled down the driveway, away from Deliverance.
I stepped back in the house and set the box on the dining table. As I leaned over, something flopped forward a bit on top of my head. I raised my right hand slowly to my hair. It was my towel! My green, high absorbency hair towel. Oh no! I’d gone outside like that! I ran to the bathroom to survey the damage.
It got worse!
I seldom take my make up off before bed or my shower. Instead, I do it right before I reapply the new coating. Bad habit, I know. Well, I was still wearing yesterday’s mascara. Except it hung in streaks down both cheeks.
I couldn’t help but laugh!
This unsuspecting delivery man drove up the driveway to the middle of nowhere to be greeted by a scraggly, mean old dog and a bunch of home schooled kids gawking at him. He then stood and waited for the matron of the hillside shack to come out and chat him up with make up running down her face, thinking she was totally rockin’ the Turbie Towel!
I wonder if he laughed as hard as I did once he was safely out of view. Or, if his smile merely masked his fear! LOL
Amy said:
You gave me a good laugh this morning! haha! I could so see myself doing that! Have a great day, and keep on rockin’ that turbie towel!
A New Free Life said:
😀 So glad to know I’m not alone! Perhaps it could be a new trend? LOL You have a great day, too, Dear, and a wonderful weekend as well!
Bethany said:
LOL you are so funny!! Next time you have a package coming you should get all dolled up early and be ready (then it will be a butch woman LOL) sorry I was trying to be supportive and helpful then that thought popped into my head… My bad LOL
Anywho: It seems like he was flirting with you a bit and he saw the makeup and towel before striking up the conversation with you so I don’t think he had that much of a problem with it 🙂 You are a cougar LOL and a confident, friendly smile is all he remembers I’m sure ❤
A New Free Life said:
Oh, goodness! Wouldn’t that just be my luck? LOL
You know what I love most about you? Your positive outlook! 🙂 I absolutely cannot imagine that he really saw past the towel and raccoon eyes, but who knows. Maybe he was impressed by my comfort and confidence in spite of my appearance?! Ha ha! Grrrrrrr………….
Bethany said:
Thanks sweetie! That means a lot to me 😀 You know what I love most about you? The way you look at something that is ‘trash’ and ‘Old’ in the eyes of others and see beauty and something worth loving (IE: your projects and your pets)! XOXO
A New Free Life said:
Awwwww……..thank you!
Ya know, that hasn’t always served me well and isn’t always such a good thing though. I think that’s how I ended up married to R! Bwahaha!
Bethany said:
HAHA! Yeah mine hasn’t served me well all the time either…I was always looking on the Brightside of my hellish life and expecting it to get better…. But they use our best qualities against us don’t they?
A New Free Life said:
Yes, they certainly do, unfortunately.
Hey, I just had a thought…..what if Mr. FedEx has the same problem gift I do, and he took one look at me and thought, “I can clean her up!” Ha ha ha
Bethany said:
LOL Boy that would be a story to tell the grandchildren wouldn’t it!!!
A New Free Life said:
Ha ha!
L Williamson said:
LOL! Love this story! I’d like to think he saw your true beauty – runny mascara, towel and all !
A New Free Life said:
Awwww……thank you, Dearie!
Brian said:
Haha! He sounds like a nice guy. You make me laugh out loud sometimes when I read your descriptions. You have a talent for describing things so well that I can see a clear picture in my mind based on your carefully chosen words. The right kind of guy will absolutely see your beauty through all of that funny description of yourself. I’m thinking it is actually better it happens that way vs seeing you at your best presentable self. That way you attract the right sort of guy, you know? He sees the kids, the animals, and you at your “worst” and still likes you? That is cool!
A New Free Life said:
😀 Thank you!!! That is such a nice compliment!
You’re so right……that would be the right sort of guy, one who could see past all of that. I’m not going to hold my breath even though that would be cool It just gave me a good laugh. In fact, I’m still laughing about it. 😀
fitforservice said:
I’m sure you were still beautiful 🙂
I always joke that our old dog smells so bad, he’s like a dog that came back from Stephen King’s Pet Sematery. LOL
A New Free Life said:
LOL! That’s what the kids say about this place, too! Isn’t it funny how they just get that “old odor?” 😀
I should have had E take a picture. I would have texted it to you. I was anything but beautiful. What’s worse is that I was scarily comfortable with my appearance. Ha ha
faithrivada said:
LOL