My attorney thought I was ridiculous when I insisted upon taking on all of the marital debt. He flatly argued with me and stated, “No, he will. You can just monitor it every once in awhile like you would if you were paying it. What do you think he’s going to do?”
Oh, Sir, I knew exactly what he was going to do.
I’m thankful now that I stood my ground and battled my own attorney for the debt.
Shortly after R left I found out that he had hacked into my personal, private bank account. The bank manager argued with me that I had called in and placed his name on my account. She was very disgusted with me to being throwing such a fit over something I’d done.
I hadn’t though. I suspect his friend’s wife called, pretending to be me, with R feeding her all of my personal information. He’d stolen my passwords from my desk before he left and, though I changed them afterward, he knows my social security number, my birth date, my mother’s maiden name, the city where I was born, etc.
He also hacked into my cell phone account and the joint credit card accounts that I was responsibly paying while receiving no support at all from him. A year-and-a-half later, well into the divorce battle, he cashed a check that was made out to our son, a tuition reimbursement meant for me.
The attorney, the police, the bank, the college, and the credit card company refused to do anything about it. They all chanted that we were still legally married, though we were separated; papers were filed; and he’d not paid any support or any of the bills since his departure.
We’re divorced now.
So, it should be different, right? It’s over. Dissolution: The termination of a legal relationship. Termination: The end of something in time; the conclusion.
This isn’t concluded though.
Friday morning as I checked my emails quickly before work, I found a new document notification from the credit card company. I was curious. I shouldn’t be receiving anything from them at this point. The cards are both closed as per the mandates of the dissolution agreement. I’ve not only been making the payments, I’ve been paying both accounts down…..rapidly.
I had just a few more minutes before I had to leave, so I tried to log in. Password Invalid. Dumb computer. Again I tried. Password Invalid.
Then, I knew. I’d been hacked.
I clicked the forgot password button and acquired a new one. The document was a letter thanking me for my recent inquiry and giving me the new balance on the card. It also indicated a change of address to R’s address.
Somehow I got kicked off. I re-entered my information. Now, my username was invalid!
Panic set in.
I hurriedly called the credit card company and explained everything to the middle Eastern representative. He claimed he placed a verbal pass code on the account and handed me off to an American. And, she, in turn, handed me off to her supervisor.
We straightened it out. Or, so we thought.
I went to log in again to double check everything. My username and password were invalid.
I called back again. The first rep had, in fact, NOT placed a verbal pass code on the account, and someone had changed it all again. This time, however, I just happened (divine providence) to get a rep who is herself a survivor of domestic violence and post-separation financial stalking and abuse.
She buttoned down the hatches, changed everything, and recommended a credit protection account with Equifax. The $40 a month to protect myself and especially our son who shares his name is a small price to pay compared to the damage he may try to wreak on our lives.
This just makes me more determined to get that debt paid off as quickly as possible.
I have my own life now. I want nothing more than to move on in peace. I learned valuable lessons from that relationship. But, it’s over. I’d like to remember the lessons and forget about him.
He obviously has not moved on and does not desire peace. The last thing he apparently wants is for me to forget about him. Because even now, when the divorce is final, he is still hacking into my life.