My son seemed shocked. With tremendous surprise he exclaimed, “Wow! You were…….pretty…..when you were young!”
I wasn’t hurt. It was hilarious! Yes, Son, this is what the ravages of time and a rough life will do to a person! Oh, kids will say the darnedest things!
I have frequently been quite embarrassed as a single woman by the things my children have said. My youngest son once accused me of being in love with and wanting to marry his visiting “teacher” from the charter school. In front of the teacher! The young man is the same age as my oldest son! While I do think the world of him, my feelings for him are not even remotely along the romantic line!
Thankfully, the teacher handled it all well and, laughing, he said, “Kids say the darnedest things!”
This Saturday, after visitation, I took my youngest son for a haircut. We’ve been going to the same shop for twenty-some years, though it has changed hands several times as the older men have died and a younger barber has taken it over. The current barber is about ten years younger than I and single. He’s made comments in the past that I’m “not a bad looking woman” and he’d ask me out if he weren’t dating someone. I’m not sure if J has picked up on that or what. But, this Saturday he told the barber quite dramatically that he wonders what it would be like to have a barber for a dad. Gee, that was subtle!
Oh, how kids will say the darnedest things!
Later in the afternoon I found out that my precious four year old daughter asked her father, “Why did you take all of our money, and why do you hate Mommy?”
Ooohhh, that could have played out violently!
However, the kids said that their dad responded calmly, “I didn’t. And, I don’t hate your mommy. I love your mommy very much. We just have different opinions on things.”
Well, I guess kids aren’t the only ones who say the darnedest things. Abusers do as well.
Yes, yes, he’s quite right. We do have different opinions on things. For instance, what it means to love someone.
I don’t believe that love equates with ownership. I don’t think you can justify beating and choking someone you “love” because they’ve pushed you too far and they should know your limits. I don’t believe you can justify trying to kill someone in the name of love because they refuse to go along with your program. I don’t believe you can cheat on someone you “love” for any reason. I don’t believe you can steal money from those you “love” because you see your wants as more important than their needs.
And, what a mind game for the children who have witnessed all of it, who have had front row seats for this twisted version of “love,” to hear such a sweet and calm profession and explanation.
Oh, those abusers will say the darnedest things!
He tells the children he loves me. He tells them he believes in God. He claims to read his Bible. But. But……..
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
New International Version (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
This definition of love is from the Author of love who loves us perfectly. And, this definition of love is the exact opposite of what our abuser showed us and continues to show his own children. It’s just the darnedest thing.