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abuse, Christian love in action, Christian movies, domestic violence, family, finances, forgiveness, marriage, prayer life, War Room
Sometimes people look at me sideways when I share how prayer has literally saved my life, healed my body, and brought me necessities of life. I have a lot of stories of times God has shown up in response to prayer and made His presence evident. He has performed countless miracles in my worthless life. I BELIEVE in the power of prayer! But, I won’t be watching the Kendrick Brothers’ film War Room.
The loss of my $7 is not going to even make a ripple effect in the millions of dollars their films have grossed, and I know that. (Their previous four films brought in a combined $78 million in the domestic box office!) But, I won’t throw my measly $7 away like that anyway, not even to satisfy my curiosity…….what is the strange obsession this country’s church goers have with these movies?
It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of the crowd and follow the sheeple down any path they wander without question. I bought those first four of the Kendrick Brothers’ movies. Admittedly, I absolutely love Courageous. But, Fireproof was naive at best and horribly damaging at worst. The star is a pornography addict and an abuser, yet he is held up as a hero, saving people. The only person who doesn’t see how fantastic he is, is his wife….the person who lives with him. The woman who knows what he’s really like. The one person who sees beyond the image he portrays publicly. Of course, she is just as wrong in their mess of a marriage because she has an affair of the heart. He isn’t really to blame for his behavior toward her. She does seem to almost deserve some of it. In the end, he finds Jesus, smashes his computer, and pays for his wife’s parents’ needs. She responds to his grand monetary show, making her appear shallow and all about the money, and forgives him. He does seem to sincerely apologize, but his behavioral change occurs only over the course of a few weeks. And, as we all know, abusers are quite adept at making those short-term changes, only to lure us back in to their web of deceit. Our hero wasn’t held to any long-term change before the relationship was restored. He simply performed a few grand gestures; his wife saw the light of his miraculous short-term change; and everyone lived happily ever after.
Since I have not seen War Room I can only go off what I’ve heard. That, and the few YouTube clips I’ve watched. From my understanding, the entire premise of the movie is that the wife’s prayer life will change her husband’s behavior and save her marriage. And, THAT is a dangerous mindset for the Christian church as a whole to embrace so enthusiastically.
I see and hear the Christians all around me clapping their hands and saying, “Oh, prayer works! Lovely!”
And, so, they go off with great fervor, excitedly encouraging every wounded wife with the admonition to pray harder for her marriage, and the Lord will be faithful to fill her husband with a love for her and a committment to their marriage.
Somehow, we’re supposed to believe that God is a big Santa Claus in the sky, just sitting there waiting, longing, for us to send up requests, so he can happily drop down our gifts upon us. Somehow, we’re supposed to believe that we can be the Holy Spirit in someone else’s life.
Scripture does teach us to pray. Jesus said we have not because we ask not. He said if we had the faith of a mustard seed we could move mountains. And, I believe every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. Every. Word.
Some of those words tell us to admonish one another. And, I’ll give the Kendrick Brothers credit….the weight room scene does have a friend admonishing the husband. But, in real life, that just doesn’t happen. I’ve never seen it. What I see is the same Christians who are embracing this movie and think they can just pray and get whatever they want are the same Christians who think they can show an abuser the love of Christ and he’ll respond with automatic repentance. He’s only acting in that sinful way because he needs love. “Wounded people wound people,” as I’ve so often heard them chant.
The word of God tells us to go to a brother caught up in sin and reprove him. If he refuses to repent, we are to turn him over to satan for a season, “that he may be won.”
The wife of a very abusive pastor kept an index card pinned to the wall above her desk. It read, “Some come to Him when they see the Light, others only when they feel the flame.” Our weak, politically correct society doesn’t want to offend anyone with the threat of flames. It doesn’t want to turn anyone over to satan, in spite of biblical instruction to do so in certain circumstances. So instead, we victim blame: Pray harder. Commit your marriage to Christ. Submit more. Love your husband with the love of Jesus. As though somehow her behavior can control the situation. Her lack of faith is bringing this upon her and, conversely, her improved prayer life will improve her marriage.
Maybe her prayer life does need to improve. Maybe her attitude does need to change. Maybe she does need to leave off bitterness and allow herself to be filled with the love of Christ. But, NOT FOR HER HUSBAND OR FOR THE SAKE OF HER MARRIAGE. But, for Christ alone!!! He is enough! She should be running after Him, seeking Him, because He loves her. Not because if she runs hard enough after Him he’ll give her that sinful man she’s unequally yoked to.
And, I boldly proclaim that I have never prayed so hard or fasted so often as when I was in an abusive marriage!!!
Did my prayers fall on deaf ears? They weren’t answered!
No, the Lord was bottling the oceans of tears I cried during those years. He was looking down on me longingly, not because he was eager to play Sugar Daddy to me if I’d only ask Him, but because He longed for me to STOP worshipping MARRIAGE. He longed for me to worship HIM.
The Kendrick Brothers won’t miss my $7. They have millions and millions of dollars to bathe in. They’ve joined forces with Sony because Sony brings us such great, uplifting, spiritual films like Evil Dead. It’s a natural pairing, right? The Lord certainly is smiling on that. (Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. James 4:4) I can see Jesus, the man/God who overturned money changers’ tables in the temple courtyard, placing a stamp of approval on their $3 million production budget for their most recent movie because it’s a great Christian movie, bringing millions of people to their knees in renewed prayer. The end justifies the means. I can see it now…..the hope this movie will bring to the masses. The abused. The broken. The poor. The homeless. The sick. Christians will excitedly tell them to pray harder. HARDER. HARDER! Pray harder to see the changes they NEED to see in their lives. And, they’ll walk away…..home to their abusers, or perhaps not to a home because they don’t have one, or home to remain hungry, or still sick…..now also carrying the shame and blame that somehow perhaps it is all their own fault. If only they had a better prayer life.
anewfreelife 
Thank you for being another voice in the War Room concern. I am saddened that the Kendrick brothers are marketing ‘C’hristian movies as such. 😦
You stated it well, “Since I have not seen War Room I can only go off what I’ve heard. That, and the few YouTube clips I’ve watched. From my understanding, the entire premise of the movie is that the wife’s prayer life will change her husband’s behavior and save her marriage. And, THAT is a dangerous mindset for the Christian church as a whole to embrace so enthusiastically.”
I don’t need to ‘see’ the movie; the Christ-honouring reviewers that have stepped forward are to be commended and I trust them.
Oh, thank you so much. I was very, very nervous about writing this and then hitting that publish button. I’ve “sat” on it all week. It’s one thing when we, as Christians, have to face an angry world. It’s an entire other thing when we have to face our Christian brothers and sisters and say no to what they love, accept, and embrace as “good” theology.
You are absolutely right about having to face fellow believers concerning what is right and wrong “according to Scripture”. I am presently taking quite a beating via sounding the alarm about Beth Moore and other women who are stepping out of their roles and blatantly teaching/preaching heresy.
Be strong in the Lord as you fight the battle. Praying for you and others as you “finish the race” as a “good and faithful servant of the Lord.”
Thank you so much for your prayers! I will be praying for you as well in your battle. I haven’t done a Beth Moore study or listened to her. There were several women who gave me one or another of her books when my husband first left and indicated that “doing this study” or reading this book would be the answer to all I was suffering. They travel to see her, sometimes annually. It just felt wrong to me, without reading her work, because of the “worship” she arouses.
healinginhim,
Where might we be able to read what you’ve written re: Beth Moore? I confess I’m not a fan, as I have been through several studies of hers (not by choice as much as pressure within the female contingent of different churches I’ve attended) and attending one live broadcast seminar thing. I’m not inclined to participate in her studies because I’ve usually found them rather sentimental and ‘girly,’ for lack of better word. She has an interesting way of telling a story, but…. I never felt fed whenever I left the studies. There was never anything that I could point to that I’d learned or could use, but the womenfolk sure love her.
I totally get what you’re saying. I also prayed for years for God to change the heart of my abusive husband. It never happened. What he needed was for Christian men to hold him accountable. I gave the church two chances to make that happen, but they refused. Later he went on to get a seminary degree and run a large bible study, though the people knew what he had done. I could go on and on. I don’t know anything about War Room. But I do know it is time for the church to STAND UP.
Amen, Sister, amen!
I am so deeply sorry. I went to the church, too, begging for help. Help they were either completely unwilling to give or totally not equipped to give. I feel like our current situation is nearly identical to the one Jesus found with the Pharisees in His day. History is definitely repeating itself.
Paradox. Prayer life is critical to a vibrant, victorious relationship in Christ. God does, however, give us free will. God gives us free will to say no to Him at any given point. I stayed in an emotional abusive marriage for 40 years. I am now divorced. I too fear that women in abusive marriages may be influenced to stay in marriages for legalistic reasons. I saw War Room. Her prayer helped her & her family, but, it could have failed miserably if her husband had kept his hardened heart. A biblical example is Pharaoh in Exodus. People, we have to be committed to studying the Word ourselves, each and every one of us. That, and a very personal relationship with Jesus, we guide us. The Holy Spirit lives within each believer. God tells us when to stay & when to go and we can trust that.
I so appreciate what you shared here. My husband and I went to see the film, and I was warned by my daughter in advance that I might not be able to stomach the peachy outcome.
She was right. In the film, when the wayward husband, the seemingly repentant benefactor of all his wife’s prayers falls to his knees, my husband leaned over and whispered, “We know it doesn’t always work this way…” He knew well the emotions that were brewing.
And for the reasons you so poignantly shared here, I was angry, not because of what I endured, but for the countless women who will see that movie and believe the lie that her prayers ultimately hold the power to change her abuser. Prayer is an incredibly powerful force, as I can surely testify, but for any prayer to find fulfillment, it has to find a willing recipient. And some simply refuse to bend the knee, no matter how hard we pray. I wonder if or when the Hollywood Christians will step out and address this truth.
Thank you for sharing this, dear friend. It needed to be said!
Cindy, Just read your comment after already posting a previous comment …
Thank you for including an example from the movie. For me the ‘falling to the knees and seemingly repentant husband example’ was a trigger so, yes a good warning for me that I could not stomach that scene 😦 I’m still ‘here’ but moving cautiously at moving on.
I can’t share too much because he has been known to roam various websites and would recognize my comments regarding our present circumstances. It’s very isolating but that’s just the way it must be for now.
Thank you Cindy for your ministry … it is greatly appreciative and very affirmative for those of us still coming out of the fog.
Oh, Cindy, your daughter and your husband must be such a blessing to you!
That is my GREATEST fear with this movie. I worry about the women who will stay and take more abuse, holding out because of the false hope portrayed in this movie. I also worry about the pastors and church members who have walked away from it energized to “encourage” every wounded person they meet to just get serious about their prayer life if they want their circumstances to change. In the end, this will only serve to undermine genuine faith. And, it endangers women and children.
I will echo your concern about all the women who will see this movie and come away with the message that if they only pray harder, their man will come around and they’ll get their happy ending after all. I even will take it one step further and say I’m concerned about all the well-intentioned women who will counsel those who are abused to just pray harder. Pray more intentionally. Pray fervently.
If only the abused partner would just pray the right way, then things will be better. Right? I’m sure that’s in the Bible somewhere. Right?
When I was still mired in my abusive hell of a marriage I was counseled again and again to pray. Pray my way through the Psalms. Pray without ceasing. Pray like I believe it. I was told to read, study and pray my way through Beth Moore’s “Power of a Praying Wife”. So I did. But you know what? It wasn’t long before it felt like witchcraft, what with all the scripted prayers and naming & claiming. I am NOT saying that Ms. Moore or any of her books promote witchcraft. What I’m saying it, the prayers were truly empty and powerless, completely meaningless, when it comes to an actual abusive marriage. This is something you just don’t understand unless you have been the abused, praying and begging and submitting and pouring your soul out. Abusers and cheaters used their Free Will to choose their dark path. They choose it. My prayers will certainly not act as their conscience and convince them to do otherwise.
I am not going to see “War Room”, just as I refuse to watch “Courageous” and “Fireproof”. I am thoroughly done with letting feel-good commercial Christianity make me feel like doggie-doo yet again because my experience doesn’t match up with the schmaltzy schlock portrayed. It takes two to make a decent marriage, but it only takes one to totally destroy it. I won’t support a movie that is only going to make true victims feel worse, and give abuse-enablers more ammunition to gun down the already downtrodden.
Yes, JJ, exactly! I worry about that, too! It’s a legitimate concern. And, a hearty AMEN to EVERYTHING you said! Very well put!!!
FYI, It’s Stormie O’Martian’s books “Power of a Praying (insert whatever you want here – Wife, Husband, Parent, Church, Nation – she’s written them all)” I know cuz I lead a prayer group for wives in our home for one year based on one of her books. No husband of the wives in that group ever changed.
Just wanted to set the name straight on the author. Beth Moore’s written plenty, but mostly studies. O’Martian has written the Power of a Praying Whatever series. I did the Wife and Parent books for years. Nothing changed. Gave the Husband book to, well, my now ex-….. I’d probably be blamed for that status based on her books and the topic of this post (War Room). For not praying enough/the right way/fervently/etc.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. You bravely speak TRUTH. I could not have said this better.
Thank you so much!
Reblogged this on Covenant Nurture.
Thanks for your review. So this is yet another message to women who are abused that says, “Pray harder! That’s what you need to be doing!” When do we get a message that screams, “We hear you! You don’t need this! Get out!”? Probably not until the church sees the truth, stands by the truth, and refuses to be swayed by the message that women have to stay in their marriage, no matter what.
Thank you.
My fear is that day won’t happen. I’m very pessimistic about the larger church embracing victims and caring for the wounded. I pray I’m wrong!
Finally someone else who didn’t like Fireproof. I had purchased that movie on recommendation from ‘Christian’ friends, who gushed on how that last scene Cameron would only kiss his wife in real life. I watched the film with my now ex-husband. I bought the books to work through with him. He never changed. Admittedly, I had to avert my eyes from that first scene when Cameron screams in his wife’s face, because I’d been there myself.
These movies are naive. They present feel-good ends of stories in a Christian veneer, but the saints in Scripture never had such happy endings. and they were ‘prayer warriors.’ Prayer doesn’t change anything; God changes things – and in His time and in His way.
Yes we should pray, but like many others, I prayed for decades for my husband (now ex-) to have a new heart. It was not God’s will to give him one. I even started a “prayer group for wives,” using that book (that I have since tossed) by Stormie O’Martian “Power of a Praying Wife.” No husband of any wife in that group changed.
I like the question you pose: “…what is the strange obsession this country’s church goers have with these movies?” My guess would be that they provide pithy feel-good emotions in a Christian veneer. Feel-good unless one has lived it. I think these movies and the attraction they hold are a reflection of the lack of depth in contemporary Christian circles. People would rather spend two hours in a theater being made to feel good about themselves and their Christianity than invest the same amount of time reading the Word of God and hearing real testimonies of real women and children suffering real abuse. I have no doubt that members of my now former church (former because my abusive ex- still attends there; They want to ‘love him to Jesus,’ a phrase nowhere found in Scripture) will see the movie and likely walk away thinking my marriage would have been saved if I were still attending that church and ‘praying harder.’
Very insightful! I think you’re right. There certainly is a very real lack of depth in Christian circles today!
I’ve prayed and prayed about this and just keep coming back to 2 Timothy 4:3 and 2 Timothy 3:13.
I had the same reaction to Fireproof. I’ve seen it several times and still just can’t watch that particular scene. It is a definite trigger for me!
I have thought about this too- what is the attraction to this type of movie within the Christian community? I wonder if part of it actually centers on pride and self-centeredness. You see if our praying harder can elicit God’s response, then we have made ourselves to be in charge of our own destiny. We are really adhering to the principles of this world (I’m in charge of my own destiny) but excuse it by putting a Christian wrapper on it. We like the idea of it being up to us because it feeds our pride. It doesn’t become about what God can do, it esteems ourselves for our ability to evoke Holy God’s action. Our faith becomes having faith in ourselves to push the right buttons in the right sequence and in the end we herald what WE have done right to bring about this outcome.
It also serves as a way for us to distance ourselves from others’ circumstances. Instead of investing in others and taking the time to “get dirty” we continually prescribe the same antibiotic of prayer across the board. We shove the responsibility back to the afflicted to get better rather than crawling down into the hole where they are with them. “Pray harder” works for our society because we can feel self-righteous for doling out the prescription without taking any time with the afflicted in the exam room.
This is just a theory I have been pondering as I consider the mindset of those who gave me such advice through my abusive marriage. I wouldn’t assert this is true of everyone, of course, who enjoys this kind of movie.
I haven’t seen War Room but I have seen some of the others the KB have done and share the concerns others have stated here.
Wow! What a thought provoking theory! I think you’ve hit the nail on the head! Your theory is the perfect segue into my next post. I’ve been dwelling on it for a couple of weeks…..when did “victim” become a dirty word?
Thank you so much for sharing your profound insight. 🙂
I just watched the official movie trailer. To me, it smacks of making God into some kind of drive-through order taker. If I just make a little prayer closet and call it a war room, then I tape prayers on the wall, and then I say my prayers really loud or with seemingly great passion, God will have to deliver my burger to order because it really looks and sounds a certain way. Where is the God of Scripture in these “Christian’ movies? Didn’t Jesus pray, “If it be Thy will remove this cup from me?” And was it? Maybe had the prophets and apostles built themselves little “war rooms” their tormentors would have backed down. These movies are so pithy; They feed junk food to a contemporary Christian culture satiated with feel-good emptiness. No wonder churches are filled with congregants who have nothing to offer real victims in abusive marriages. They’re not fed real meat.
Amen! Amen!!!
Don’t bother with Beth Moore studies. I’ve done three of them, and I constantly had to cite scripture to correct her teachings. She is a false teacher. Wrapped up in a beautiful package.
I also will not go to see this movie. I’ve seen most of them and they all have a happy ending. That’s not reality! The ending of Do You Believe? Had a terminal cancer guy come back to life. Cmon now, bad things happen to Christians, people die. Jesus says “be ready for persecution for my names sake.” If I want a happy ending I’ll watch a musical.
I’ve never been able to bring myself to do one though I’ve been given several. Something just holds me back. I appreciate your insight! Now I know why I couldn’t bring myself to start them!
That scene was just ridiculous! Not that miracles don’t happen. I’ve experienced several. But, these movies do all wrap up with a neat and tidy little bow of perfection. But, what will they do with Hebrews 11? Where do those who wandered in sheepskins and were tortured and murdered and were destitute, who didn’t receive the promise, fit in to the ideal of praying more fervently in order to receive the blessings? Scripture says the world was not worthy of them! Ugh!
I was scared to see the movie for the same reasons. But what I found in the movie was that the emphasis on the woman putting God above her marriage. I was relieved to hear and see that. The man did have a willing heart which made all the difference in the world. My heart is tender for the millions upon millions of hurting women whose husbands do not have a willing heart. They are shattered, broken, confused, and desperate. They do just as the article says and worship the marriage which is idolatry. That sounds harsh…. I know, believe me, I have done it. But it’s important to know that these women do it out of the trauma of a very difficult situation. They need love care and help to see the truth.
Thank you! ❤
Wow! I really enjoyed this movie and it motivated me in a positive way. But your article definitely has me thinking and the points you make seem logical. Feeling confused. Thanks for posting this.
Thank you for your comment and your consideration!
I struggled for a long, long time blaming myself for my hardships – because I believed it was a result of me not praying enough or praying the right words or praying long enough or regularly enough… I was looking for the magic combination of time, word choice, and habit. As if my thirty second prayer was not as good as (or simply ignored instead of) a thirty minute prayer.
It’s a clever deception of the devil because it’s using something that does have significance and does make a difference – prayer – and turning it into a work. “This must be true because God says prayer makes a difference! I just don’t know how to pray…” We worship a sovereign God who already has the outcome planned – so prayer is less about changing circumstances or changing God, and more about changing our hearts toward circumstances and God. Clever, clever Satan with turning worshipful prayer into worship OF prayer… The burden it becomes is overwhelming and despairing. If anything, I hope God uses this movie to urge along the learning of that lesson that took me years and years to learn.
Thanks for having the guts to share this. It’s not the popular opinion, and no doubt you’ll be receiving backlash. This part of the Christian culture is large, loud, and has power – but Christ is more powerful and is the source of ultimate truth. I really appreciate this post and your faith. It’s encouraging.
Thank you! Yes, I did receive quite a bit of HORRIBLE backlash. There have been other posts I thought would get negativity, but they haven’t. I’ve had atheists and homosexuals say that while they don’t believe what I believe, they respect what I’m saying and have compassion on where I’ve been. THIS was just awful……supposed Christians cutting me and my followers down, name calling…..
I LOVE how you put that, “Clever, clever satan turning worshipful prayer into worship OF prayer.” Just wonderfully said!
There is no magic combination of words or inflection of voice or length of time or place (closet = war room). Romans 8:26 English Standard Version (ESV)26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
Amen. 🙂 Be encouraged – some of my friends said when I shared your post that the movie just encouraged them to pray more and be more intentional about prayer, that they were discerning enough to not receive a false message regarding prayer. So God is using it in some lives for good. For that I’m glad. Thanks again for writing this. 🙂
Thank you! I am so glad for that. That is encouraging.
I think a lot of the writers of the really horrible comments I’ve received (which went so far as to accuse me of not even being a Christian) failed to understand, appreciate, or respect is that this blog is not written for the general public. This blog is written by and for survivors and victims of domestic violence who have suffered horribly under a simplistic call to prayer. One comment I trashed talked about how the woman in the movie didn’t “rip into her husband” when he lost his job and how a wife’s changed behavior will affect her husband. That simply is not how abusers operate. My own ex once admitted to me that the reason the beatings got worse the nicer I was to him was because it made him feel like I was better than he, and that angered him. He felt he needed to punish me for not responding accordingly to his cruelty. He didn’t understand how I could act lovingly to a man who was so mean to my children and me. You and I both know….JESUS! 😀 Being married to an abuser keeps a Christian woman on her knees CONSTANTLY. However, remaining prayerful and loving only keeps a victim and her children in grave danger. I do understand that those who have never seen domestic violence first hand can’t understand that we are NOT bringing it on ourselves through “ripping into” our husbands. They can’t possibly imagine a husband and father who would purposefully sabatoge his own employment, a wife who would be supportive anyway, and that the husband would unleash violence on the wife in spite of her support of his willfully irresponsible behavior. It is simply beyond their realm of understanding.
Thank you so much for your comment. I have wanted to somehow respond to the comments I chose not to approve but wasn’t certain how to go about it. Your kind and thoughtful comment allowed me the opportunity. I appreciate that! 🙂
Good piece. I don’t think I had considered this angle (I forego these movies for other reasons, but this is valid enough.)
The American Church has a tendency to be passive and pander to an isolated lifestyle that, though it is the standard of modernity, and not explicitly outlawed anywhere in scripture, could still be logically identified by anyone as a value that will cripple so many Biblical precepts that require an engaged community (e.g. admonishment, as you have mentioned.) The unfortunate truth is that these choices are a license we seek for ourselves to be disengaged because we lack the courage to do what is right, as God has revealed it through Scripture. So as you have said, this alters prayer which was meant as a supplement to obedience, and reimagines it as a retreat from responsibility.
Oversimplification is the name of the game with these movies. They don’t ever seem to represent any real exegetical study having been applied to the Bible, and are much more reflective of the cultural milieu of southern Christianity. Christian films could bring Christ so powerfully into a new audience with Jesus if they would exhibit some authentic honesty about the complexity of life and the complexity of God’s engagement of our circumstances, acknowledging for instance that we can love God rightly and garner no external blessing from it, then still be at peace with that and have faith. The Bible is full of stories where faith was difficult, like Joseph’s, and I simply believe that God has much more to give our world than a favorable resolution of circumstances.
As a pastor, I just can’t recommend these films to anybody.
Thank you so much for your comment! Wonderful words of wisdom!
This was so refreshing! I too, spent so many hours fasting and praying for my abusive marriage. Even after 28 years I thought I was a bad Christian because in the end it was my body that gave out, crying and shaking as I couldn’t turn the other cheek to be further emotionally abused. I was told all the things you mentioned. God did answer my prayers but it wasn’t to change another’s free will. He provided a way out and I had tremendous support from pastors who understood. Thank you for writing it so beautifully.
Oh, I’m so happy you had support from pastors who get it! So many of us don’t have that. Most of all, I’m happy you got out! 🙂
I was married for over 30 years to a missionary /pastor. Although he did not physically beat me, it was a very abusive relationship. There are other kinds of abuse. Mental, emotional, sexual, financial, and spiritual are the areas that I was abused. In this short space I cannot describe the nightmare that I lived for all of those years. God brought me out of that “marriage” and now after 5 years of counseling and the love of godly friends and care of my precious church family, I am so grateful for my new life of healing. A friend invited me to go see “War Room”. I was uncomfortable and then in tears. It made me sad ( and a bit angry) because the movie teaches exactly what you were talking about… if you just pray hard enough everything will work out . For all those years I believed that my prayers were not being answered because there was something wrong with me, or I just had to “carry my cross” with more patience. I have finally learned that my prayers cannot make someone else stop sinning. It isn’t that I need to pray harder or that God isn’t able. God gives free will to us and He asks us to choose to obey Him. I prayed that my husband would love me and that our marriage would be a healthy one that would bring God glory. That prayer was not answered. God was not unable or unwilling to answer my request . I didn’t lack faith or perseverance. The man I was married to was not submitted to God. As my counselor is fond of saying , “Nobody can make a one – winged airplane fly.” So where is the movie about what happens when your prayers are not answered? What happens when you are pleading with God but your child dies anyway? What happens when you are praying with strategy (as the movie teaches) but your marriage falls apart in broken little pieces anyway? What is the condition of my faith and my relationship to God when my heart is broken? Job said, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” Can I honestly say the same? I could write a book (and I just might do that) about my journey as I find the answers to those questions. My joy does not come from answered prayers or a successful marriage. This is what I understand so far. The joy bubbles up and peace in my heart survives because God is holding on to me. He loves me and I am precious to Him and He will never let me go. God’s answer to my prayer is , ” I LOVE YOU and you can bring me glory if you choose to trust me no matter what.”
Oh, amen! Yes! Yes! Yes! Beautiful words of wisdom!!!
Please do write that book! It sounds like you have a lot to share with women who need to hear truth. 🙂 I just love reading that you have joy and peace now! You are an inspiration!
Thank you. Your encouraging words bring tears of comfort. God bless you as you minister to so many hurting people.
I have not watched War Room. I too have concerns about Christian movies that affirm Christian cliche thinking. I spent years praying for an adulterous husband. He was never confronted by church leadership. I was told, his behavior does not define him. The “kindness leads us to repentance” tack was taken. The result? He feels he is fine in his rebellion against God because he is still accepted by Christians, cared for by friends and enabled in his thinking, forgiven by God and seeking his personal happiness by divorcing his wife. Everyone seems to go along with it. It is amazing how accommodating we can be towards sin without realizing it. As one poster said, you can pray, but there has to be a heart willing to receive. Most hearts in these situations are hardened. I have spent years being told by well-meaning Christians to pray this way, read this book, go to this seminar. Yes, even as Christians we want to believe in the quick-fix miracle. We want the “stories” we hear to come true for us. But, it just doesn’t always happen.
When I was separating and leaving my abuser the thing that made me the most upset was christians who kept telling me to pray. It said to me that they did not know me at all. I knew I had prayed and studied the word for years. I had thought that my life would have been obvious that it was characterized by prayer and study. I have since found out that one of the ones that really confused me with her not recognizing that I had prayed often, well I have come to know that she had always prayed but not seen any difference or felt God’s leading until recently. So she was just parroting what christian were supposed to say and do, rather than looking at the real situation and hearing from God.
I’m just getting tired of hearing professing Christians tell me that they are praying, etc but will not come and speak face-to-face with ‘him’ and ask ‘him’ why he has decided that I’m no longer worthy to be his wife? Where is the Christ-honouring love in all of this? Am I not my brother’s keeper?
This is why I stay away from the churches. They are too busy with their programs and because the sexual abuse has stopped they would just feel that I’m expecting too much.
As I stated in a previous comment, I must be careful how much I share as ‘he’ and other family members along with fair-weather friends would scoff at my words.
I’m so sorry! I have felt exactly the same way. I kept thinking that if a male person (since he seems to hate women) admonished him he just may repent and turn his heart toward a holy God. Scripture is replete with commands to admonish, discipline, and even cast out evil ones. Yet, our churches refuse.
Be glad that you didn’t point him to a male within the church. That was a mistake on my part. I even told my (then) husband, “If you won’t discuss Scripture with me, you should really meet with someone in the church – preferably a man – to do so.”
He turned that male with whom he met each week into an ally against me.
In fact, that man he met with is an elderly gent whose wife died of Alzheimers within that year. The man remarried the week before my husband started meeting with him. So my husband met in their home once a week,and she cooked the men dinner each Tuesday after which the men presumably went into a room to discuss Scripture, but my husband was home early enough that I wonder how much Scripture was really discussed.
When I divorced, that man turned against me in a big way (as did his wife) – even though it was my now ex- who left me and our child, dropping us financially though we had been dependent on his salary for more than a decade until he left. But that was okay with this guy and his wife.
I tried approaching them this past summer, since I used to participate in a Bible study with this man when his former wife had Alzheimers. He rejected me outright, saying he wouldn’t take sides (which wasn’t what I had asked him to do – merely hear my side as well; He refused and walked away).
I saw this same couple in a Walmart recently, and my child said, “Look who’s here!” His wife took one look at me and said to her spouse, “I guess everyone has to eat” and walked away. (Meaning, I guess they’ll have to see me now and again since I have to shop for food too).
The pastor and the men of that church (women too) have likewise turned against me or have taken an ambivalent stance, which means – no one calls. No one cares. No one asks if we’re okay or need anything..
So even if a male of the church had been brought on board in your case to admonish him, it may not have made a difference and may even have been turned against you. At least in my experience, that’s what happened.
Which tells me: Many who are the professing church aren’t really Christ’s church.
Oh, I’m sorry…..I, too, did indeed point him toward several men in the church. It wasn’t that. It was that they refused to admonish him. They thought he just needed friendship, ENCOURAGEMENT, brotherly man time…..but they never seemed to think he needed one of them to say, “Knock that off! God commands you to love your wife!”
And, I am so deeply, deeply sorry for the cruelty you’ve experienced at the hands (mouths) of those church goers!
I agree with you wholeheartedly!!! They are not genuinely Christ’s. They can’t be. They just have to be wolves in sheeps’ clothing protecting their own kind.
SS, that is such an EXCELLENT point! it is definitely NOT out of cruelty that some of these things are said! It is definitely just a mantra that we’re taught is what “good” Christians say. Isn’t it incredibly sad that we can all be hurting in the same way, and yet we’re afraid to say anything because it isn’t the acceptable way to speak? But, if we believe scripture that tells us Jesus came to bind up the broken hearted and we’re to be about His work, why isn’t that a main objective within the body?
Another single mom and I walked out at the end of the movie thinking some of the same thoughts you had in this post. “War Room” portrays characters in a best case scenario that’s not everyone’s situation – especially women in an abusive relationship. We would have liked the movie more if the focus showed parents praying for a wandering child. Unequally yoked marriages don’t always have storybook endings. My prayers did not result in the man turning things around and asking for forgiveness. God’s answer was to take me and my son out of a difficult situation quickly and unexpectedly. Sometimes we’re making plans, but God has something else in mind – something better. So, it’s not fair to expect our prayers to result in things being wrapped up so neatly with a dramatic, happy ending like in “War Room.”
Yes! Thank you! I’ve received some “hate” responses for “judging a movie” I haven’t even seen. I’m sorry that you experienced those feelings, but, since you have seen it, I appreciate your input greatly!
Hello, I’m not sure if this is still an active blog, but I just wanted to say that I’m reading htis post while watching the movie (for the second time). While there are some parts that are enjoyable, I’m still as bothered by it’s theological shortcomings, and the horrific message it sends to women in abusive relationships. God delivered me from an abusive marriage, and nothing in this movie is realistic. It makes me so angry, because it’s the same message I got from the church for years. Someone posted in an earlier comment that even the saints in the Bible did not have “happy endings” but they are noted by God for their faithfulness, and love for Him. I do believe in the power of prayer, but this movie is not realistic portrayal of any thing, really. Yes, God protected me, in miraculous ways, while I was married. But my (ex) husband never changed, and recently married another unsuspecting woman, who has no idea how much she’s been lied to already. I just thank God that He kept me, and delivered me. thank you for writing this; I also have a blog, and I was so surprised to see that you and I chose the same theme! God bless- Stacey L.
God bless you, my sister!
Yes, I’m still active, though not like I used to be. I will become more active again as summer draws near (I’ll explain in upcoming posts). I wish others could clearly see the problems with this theology! You and I both suffered under it and, thankfully, escaped. Too many don’t. Let’s keep fighting the good fight! Back to back….. in faith….. speaking truth and breathing life!
Oh, good; thank you! 🙂
p.s. It’s odd how similar our blogs look; it really threw me for a minute!God bless! 🙂